All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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