In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
