you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
