no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize