I just saw a hot homeless man
my shit smells like andre
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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