mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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