I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
