Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
