shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
