checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
