you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
