I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
