This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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