wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
