Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
