I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
