she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
