I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize