i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I color on your dick again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
