There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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