So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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