you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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