You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
