you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize