i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
