I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
