he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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