Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We smell like vodka and hangover
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
