i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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