"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
