Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Boobs speak an international language.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
