you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
