Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
