omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
