im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
