I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
