Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
