I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
