So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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