just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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