I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
