I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i would punch a child for taco bell
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
