be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
