areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
one might say we're banned from that church
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
