oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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