my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
