So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
