I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
