We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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