I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
