Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
