We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
