he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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