the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
