i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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