Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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