I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
