decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
