An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
