I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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