If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize