so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
