from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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