if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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