I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We talked him into tasing himself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
