Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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