I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
