My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
