I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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