he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
