if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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