dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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