So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
