I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize