Your mouth is God's brothel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
