He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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